I asked God to let me feel His care for me today.
No matter how much it seems easy to believe that we are stuck in our routines of care giving, we have a choice. We choose every day to continue to care for our loved ones, or not. We choose to continue to live in a disciplined way. We choose to continue to keep the schedule of care for our loved ones. I thought about the goodness of this truth. It imparted a renewed sense of appreciation for my decision to care for my loved one at home.
A patient's behavior swings on a curve. They cycle through moods, behavior we perceive as negative, different medications etc. and then return to a baseline. As the behavior changes we as caregivers may go through a grief process, feeling that we are losing hard earned ground. We may feel angry, hard-hearted or unwilling or unable to accept this new behavior from our patient. Our patient may have returned to an earlier baseline behavior or worse. We may have forgotten the interventions we used for that earlier baseline. The thought of returning to these older interventions may trigger further grief for the caregiver. Care giving is a two way street. When the patient swings into different behavior patterns we tend to swing into a responsive pattern.
hopefulHEALTH means health first for the caregiver. We must maintain health for the duration of our assignment so that we can care for our loved one. We may be tempted to abort our assignment with the patient feeling that this new behavior from the patient will never change. We are unwilling to accept that thought. Then the patient's behavior swings back to their baseline. It may be because of a discontinued med that has worked out of the patients system. How many caregivers have given up and institutionalized their loved one during these swings? The patient is now at their normal baseline yet they are without the familiar care of their loved one.
photo by gtrfrkbob
Then I considered in this scene:
A businessperson in a suit walks into a nursing facility. They are looking for someone. It is a cafeteria, and there is a sea of faces, bodies seated in their own worlds. They keep walking. It is a large room. The visitor passes more patients, more faces. It is a large crowd, and--There is their loved one. Just a number in the crowd. The visitor's mind spotlights their loved one's image, separating it from it's surroundings. Their loved one's gestures that only the visitor understands are ignored, unappreciated- their verbal and non verbal communication misunderstood. Their clothes don't match. They are not wearing their favorite colors. Time stands still as the loved one is observed. The visitor approaches and the loved one lifts their face to see the visitor. Their eyes light up and their face breaks into the dawn of a smile. "Oh, boy!" they say.
The businessperson leans over and removes the tray from the chair and loosens the belt restraint. The loved one has not been properly bathed. Their hair has not been combed. They are not groomed; they have no lip balm, no fragrance.
The visitor has made a decision.
The businessperson helps his loved one to their feet and they walk out of there,
Forever.
They are going home.
photo by mulligand
I feel deeply moved as I regard this thought, immersed in it's meaning. I feel a strength twisting through me. Later in the day I considered this was part of an answer to prayer. God's Spirit was revealing Christ's beauty and justice.
My loved one has not been a resident of a long term or mental health facility. Yet, this vision affirmed me.
If you have decided that long term care is not the best fit for your loved one bring them home from the assisted living or nursing facility.
Sometimes I feel a nagging emotion that I am neglecting my loved one just working up in here on this blog.
Whether our loved one is at home or in a facility,
we have the power of decision.
No matter how much it seems easy to believe that we are stuck in our routines of care giving, we have a choice. We choose every day to continue to care for our loved ones, or not. We choose to continue to live in a disciplined way. We choose to continue to keep the schedule of care for our loved ones. I thought about the goodness of this truth. It imparted a renewed sense of appreciation for my decision to care for my loved one at home.
A patient's behavior swings on a curve. They cycle through moods, behavior we perceive as negative, different medications etc. and then return to a baseline. As the behavior changes we as caregivers may go through a grief process, feeling that we are losing hard earned ground. We may feel angry, hard-hearted or unwilling or unable to accept this new behavior from our patient. Our patient may have returned to an earlier baseline behavior or worse. We may have forgotten the interventions we used for that earlier baseline. The thought of returning to these older interventions may trigger further grief for the caregiver. Care giving is a two way street. When the patient swings into different behavior patterns we tend to swing into a responsive pattern.
hopefulHEALTH means health first for the caregiver. We must maintain health for the duration of our assignment so that we can care for our loved one. We may be tempted to abort our assignment with the patient feeling that this new behavior from the patient will never change. We are unwilling to accept that thought. Then the patient's behavior swings back to their baseline. It may be because of a discontinued med that has worked out of the patients system. How many caregivers have given up and institutionalized their loved one during these swings? The patient is now at their normal baseline yet they are without the familiar care of their loved one.
Then I considered in this scene:
A businessperson in a suit walks into a nursing facility. They are looking for someone. It is a cafeteria, and there is a sea of faces, bodies seated in their own worlds. They keep walking. It is a large room. The visitor passes more patients, more faces. It is a large crowd, and--There is their loved one. Just a number in the crowd. The visitor's mind spotlights their loved one's image, separating it from it's surroundings. Their loved one's gestures that only the visitor understands are ignored, unappreciated- their verbal and non verbal communication misunderstood. Their clothes don't match. They are not wearing their favorite colors. Time stands still as the loved one is observed. The visitor approaches and the loved one lifts their face to see the visitor. Their eyes light up and their face breaks into the dawn of a smile. "Oh, boy!" they say.
The businessperson leans over and removes the tray from the chair and loosens the belt restraint. The loved one has not been properly bathed. Their hair has not been combed. They are not groomed; they have no lip balm, no fragrance.
The visitor has made a decision.
The businessperson helps his loved one to their feet and they walk out of there,
Forever.
They are going home.
I feel deeply moved as I regard this thought, immersed in it's meaning. I feel a strength twisting through me. Later in the day I considered this was part of an answer to prayer. God's Spirit was revealing Christ's beauty and justice.
My loved one has not been a resident of a long term or mental health facility. Yet, this vision affirmed me.
If you have decided that long term care is not the best fit for your loved one bring them home from the assisted living or nursing facility.
Sometimes I feel a nagging emotion that I am neglecting my loved one just working up in here on this blog.
Whether our loved one is at home or in a facility,
we have the power of decision.
It has taken me a very long time, as my mother's caregiver, to put my self care first. Learning to be gentle with myself & to let go of that long held non productive guilt, which is so suffocating, is very freeing. I still struggle when she begs & begs me to go home, and I am forced to explain why she is just not ready "yet"( even though she most likely never will be). But, I know she is safe, & alive, & sober, which is all things she would most likely not be if she were home. God always finds a way...sometimes He just seems to take the round about way to get there! God bless your journey...your poetry is powerful & I hope it helps you find peace & clarity. Your loved one is very blessed to have you!
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