Maybe He Sighed

Don't know whether God laughed or cried, or maybe He just sighed
All I know is life is hitting hard
like a bat making shards
of the spot I just vacated
the moment before...
can't say I stay-cated

Before,
Yes Before
C
-Tal
-o- Pram
hit the can in a million places around the nation
A million doctors just changed that bat-channel
A million patients just changed that bat-station
It's not a legacy med
There is no replacement
just the vacuum
no thought of just in case-ment

I heard the words from my loved one's Dr
he used the French
& he frequently opted
---not @ me
But the FDA
'Cause Citalapram was deep six, bro-
gone from the shelf
he knew that it meant trouble-
In denial, myself


I responded "Dude, that med keeps the cops out of my life!"
So he gave me the lowdown
me still the dull knife

Citalopram is axed from my med regimen
in three one week step-downs

Life would get interesting.

              photo by kjarman                                                                                                   
                                                                                                                               

2 weeks in...
it's about to hit the fan/ the chemicals in my loved one
and a new one just began

at 1/2 dose C-levels I'm analyzing the doctor's delivery much more closely
and I would have to give it an A
the balance of control had now bled from my side to my loved one's

Yeah, because you see my loved one is what they call a
Bad Dog patient
 Just really only want them to be themselves on occasion
and so complicated they make a Google earth view of Manhattan seem winsome
warts, rooftop water sheds, low resolution and then some.

Earlier in the day I came up the stairs to the front door
I was a few seconds too late i guess
or the spin cycle lasted a little longer than before
because I heard Boom...Boom...Boom...Splinter
as the living room window fell in fragments to the ground
three floors below

Stood there on the landing
Just shook my head and dug for my keys
felt a cool breeze
against my heating soul

My loved one kicked out the window.

So later on in the evening
Sun-downing time of evening
as my loved one wrestled past me and the
big round table placed to protect the bedroom window,
I decided to do a mental health assistant
"MHA" take down
asinine looking back
but at the time thinking "You're not going to destroy my house"

and we rolled around for an hour
My loved one biting to my face
scratching up my neck
brandishing the folding chair,
"...I'm gonna kill you, bit_ _!!" they said
because my loved one is my parent but they ain't no pushover

There ain't nothin' like wrestling
not lifting weights
not calisthenics
not King Fu

I was Jacob wrestling with the angel
except
I was wrestling
with a demon...

I wanted to call 9-1-1 but my cell phone was in three pieces
body, battery and back
don't ask me how
my loved one got the battery in their pocket

the volume from my loved one was on ten and the way they were screaming
I wouldn't have a legal leg to stand on
abusing the elderly and worse
and that I had cried wolf in the past so who would listen

we wiped the vinyl floor with our bodies for a long time before I was able to say to my loved one
"That guy was a real jerk, let me help you up"
only to realize the window was open
for all the neighbors to hear the episode

As the tens of minutes went by

in the trembling denouement

I found my glasses and 

realized the raspberries had seeped through my damp shirt and pants

As the tens of hours went by
I realized
that:

it's a whole lot easier just to take off your loved ones shoes when inside

Don't know whether God laughed or cried,
or maybe He just sighed

two people rolling around on the floor

full of fear

in the vacuum of a little pill

that cast a long, cooling shadow

                                                                                                            photo by yurdican
                                                                                                                                

This is where I live, friends.

It's hard for all of us.

This is why I write like this.

Maybe something that rhymes...

Sometimes only a song will do.


ps "C" now  dosed in  a shadow of it's former self- ed.