Patient Performances du Jour

And now, Ladies & Gentlemen, for another Patient Performance of the Day!

Our first selection is...


Wiping the toothpaste off the toothbrush onto a towel before brushing my teeth- then not brushing my teeth!

Audience: "Gasp!!...murmur..."

For extra credit: Wiping the toothpaste off the toothbrush onto my face and smoothing it in...("You look Mmmaarvelous!!")...then rinsing the remaining toothpaste thoroughly out of the toothbrush- and then not brushing my teeth!!

(Audience:[firmly grasping the arms of the chair and leaning forward, {with sincerity}] "That's unheard of!!"

Unzipping my buckwheat pillow and inserting sundry objects into same.

Audience: "I never thought of that. Thanks."

Inserting soggy lottery tickets I picked up from the puddle during my walk.

Inserting dirt encrusted bottle caps...the ones I didn't chew.
Making documents disappear, permanently.

Audience: "Excuse me... Excuse me...thank you......Pardon me, Where are the rest rooms??)

Dumping the buckwheat hulls out of the Japanese pillow onto the carpet-just before we crawl into bed for the night, exhausted...

Audience:....Audience??

Click here to hear Kris Allen "Live Like We're Dying"